Letters to my grieving friend

Letter 1: Keeping House

My dearest friend… 

I have flashbacks of our childhood, the days where we played house with your tiny red metal toy pots, which I so loved to play with. Do you remember your toy stove and the little plastic silver teaspoons? It feels like yesterday, doesn’t it? While I harvested weeds and berries to whip up my make-believe dinners, you always had those surprise ingredients cooking in your pots: sliced green beans and chopped carrots which your mum so generously shared with us from that night’s dinner preparations.

Our playtimes were so innocent. We often took turns playing the mum and the dad, and on those occasions when I got to play the dad, off to work I would go, while you cleaned and cooked for our homemade ragdoll babies. We played for hours, keeping house, cooking curries, and caring for our imaginary families.  Death was never part of our roleplay. Tragedy and sadness never filled the happy lives of our dolls’ world.  Our childhood games never prepared you for what you had to endure in this past month. We never roleplayed the death scenario. We could never have imagined the dark parts life would unveil to us in the next few decades to come.

Life has dropped a bomb on you; it shattered your whole world robbing you of the one you call babe, your husband. He was so abruptly ripped from your life and now you are drowning in loneliness and uncertainty. Nothing else matters, those around you are not the company you long for. It is just him you need and him only that you want, and then only your world will feel right side up again. My dearest friend, I weep with you today. I stand with you, just like all those years ago when we were little girls playing in our backyard.

We will never understand God’s plan or the thousands of unanswered questions we have for Him.  But we do know that God Himself knew that we could never cope with death on our own, so He gave us the Holy Spirit as a comforting friend and a helper in times of grieving. 

John 14:26 English Standard Version (ESV)

^“26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.”

I know that you feel insecure, vulnerable, and exposed right now. Husbands provide that sense of security in our lives. He was your safe place. I found this scripture and I hope that it will encourage you. In Psalm 68:5 (Amplified Bible Classic Edition) it says, “A father of the fatherless and a judge and protector of the widows is God in His holy habitation.”

It pains me to call you the ‘W’ word. A word that, on its own, carries a load of hurt, pain, and maybe sometimes shame. But today God Himself wants to guide, protect and defend you. He wants to be your protector and your judge.  Find comfort in these words and feel honoured knowing that this great God is providing comfort to you and your children, today and always. 

Mourn, weep and grieve the loss you are living through, the world will be patient with you. Do what you need to do, there is no rush to move on right now. God will comfort you. Let these words, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” from Mathew 5:4 remind you of His love and blessings over you.

Tonight I pray that God will wrap you in His arms, embrace you and kiss you with the kisses of His mouth like in Song of Solomon 1:2. Know that God not only gave you the Holy Spirit as your comforter but God Himself stands guard, protecting, and defending your path. His Greatness shadows over you tonight. In all your ways He will never leave you nor forsake you. His hand will be your guide. He will uphold you. You are not alone. Father God is the keeper of your house.

With love,

Your friend, Charmaine

Letter 2: Life Gear

Letter 3: From His footstool to His throne